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The case of the vanishing leg

Posted on Sun Apr 7th, 2013 @ 8:51pm by Snot Rag Chops McGinty & Mister Remington Perry the Third

Mission: Chapter 7: Going West

"This is an outrage!" yelled Remington Perry as he slammed his palms down on the captain's desk hard enough to rattle it. Daenelia looked up at the well-dressed passenger with disinterest. "What's an outrage, mister Perry?"

"My wife! Some scoundrel's made off with her attachment!"

"Her.. attachment? What are you talking about?" Daenelia replied in growing annoyance.

"Her membrum inferius! Her clockwork leg! It's gone!" Perry was gesturing wildly. "It's brass, with intricate golden decoration. Two people woke up this morning with three legs between them! How do you explain that?"

"So what are you saying? Somebody broke into your cabin while you were sleeping and stole your wife's false leg?"

"That's exactly what I'm saying. Aren't you listening to me? We had a deal captain, that a shipment of gems would be waiting for you at Columbus Province if you could get us there in one piece. That's one piece, not two pieces! Does a pirate's word not count for anything?"

"Jefferson!" screamed Daenelia at Perry, who was alone in the captain's quarters with her. First mate Jefferson opened the door carefully and stepped in. "Yes Captain?" "Find Carol Summers and bring her here. If she's drunk, sober her up first." "....yes Captain" sighed Jefferson with slumped shoulders.

Carol came to the captain's quarters squinting her one good eye at Perry, who recoiled at the sight of the fierce woman. "What's goin' on Captain?" asked the War Dog.

"Miss Summers, I have a task for you. Perry's wife has misplaced her false leg and I want you to scour the ship from bow to stern looking for it. If someone aboard this ship has taken it, then you have my leave to punish them appropriately." The captain eyed Perry. "You see mister Perry, a pirate's word does count for something. Why don't you go with Carol so that she knows what to look for?"

And so it began. The spoiled and spotless Remington followed the bedraggled and bloodthirsty Carol Summers around the Steamhawke in search of Bridget Perry's right leg.

The first stop was the crew deck. Her voice not carrying over the sounds of swords clashing, Carol interrupted Chago & Miyra's fencing lesson with a swift strike of her own sword. Miyra's cutlass was sent curling through the compartment and pinned Perry to the wall through his valuable vest. In horror, Remington released himself by ripping himself off the wall, while Carol checked the swordfighters for brass legs.

Carol hurried on, hastening into the hold, ignoring Remington's ire, and began inspecting the containers for lost limbs. She found instead Kichi the monkey, who sprang into the air and grabbed onto Perry's head. Mei-Xiu was happy to see the monkey, and sped after the screaming passenger as the simian scratched and bit him. Carol was happy to see the bottle of rum buried at the bottom of the barrel.

The prize not yet pinpointed, Carol led the pissed-off Perry out of the hold and set about unsealing the hatch to the engine room. The air inside was seething with soot and sparks, and it didn't take long for Perry to feel lost and listless. There were plenty of places to put a clockwork leg, but the search didn't succeed. By the time they left, half of Carol's rum had run out.

And so it ended. The burnt and bloody Remington followed the drunk and disorderly Carol Summers back into the captain's quarters. They had with them the same four legs that they'd left with in the first place.

"No sign of missus Perry's attachment, I presume?" asked Daenelia from behind her desk.

"Her what?" asked Carol, her eye trying to focus on the captain.

"We couldn't find it anywhere" gulped Remington. His clothes were torn and stained with grime, his face and arm were bloody, and his hair was a mess. He looked exhausted.

"Then I'm quite confident that none of my crew stole your wife's brass leg. I hope you share my opinion, or would you like to take another look around the ship with Carol?"

"No! I mean, thankyou captain, yes, I suppose Bridget must have just lost it. I'm sorry to have brought this up."

"Maybe it will turn up somewhere" grinned the captain, waving the two of them out the door.

When they had left, captain Daenelia Bradley threw her feet up on the desk, leaning back with her hands behind her head, admiring the golden decorated brass leg that was mounted on the wall above the door to the captain's quarters.


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